i am reasonably certain that flip-flops are actually the devil?
1. And LO, Lucifer spake unto his attendants, and to them he spake thusly: 2. I shall appear to humanity, the better to cause their downfall. 3. In disguise shall I appear to them, that they not recognise the threat to their souls. 4. I shall appear as footwear and they shall recognize me not. 5. Despite being displeasing to the eye and to the mind, humanity shall embrace the footwear as which I appear. 6. They shalt purchase mine unholy footwear in droves, they shalt covet it and compare prices from “Bargain Outlet Malls”. 7. The footwear I shall manifest as shalt be known as “flip-flops”, and lo this name is well-suited 8. For this footwear shall droop listlessly and dangle from the sole of the foot, slapping against the sole of the foot whenever its bearer dost lift thy tread 9. Thus Lucifer spake and it was made so, that humanity found itself cursed with flip-flops and did not recognise the nature of this pernicious affliction.
at this point the term ‘mary sue’ is applied to any female character under the age of 70 who can make it home without dying